Awakening

   There is a wonderful blog that I read. It is written by Mark Mallet. The first time I read it I sat and cried. This is a man who is truly gifted in many ways. Upon stumbling onto his blog I was overcome with so many thoughts and emotions--- mostly my feeling was that of--- "yes, truly there are others that recognize what is going on--- others who have the same perceptions and visions. I felt affirmation. Waves of emotions washed over me relief, acceptance, joy, excitement, a little fear--- but mostly peace. Finally--- proof that I am not daffy, nor am I plagued with an over active imagination---two doubts I have carried with me for over six years.

I came home to the Church about ten years ago. During the thirty years I was away from the Church I traveled just about every path there is. I was deep into new age, reiki, tarot reading among other occult interests. I was also working as a homecare nurse at a Catholic Hospital. I was desperately seeking inner peace--- spiritual contentment--- but I was chasing down not only the wrong paths---but very dangerous ones. Oddly in the midst of all this out of the blue when I would walk past the gift shop in the lobby of the hospital I would see the rosaries in the window and feel that I should pray it. This went on for months and finally the feeling was so powerful I finally told one of my co-workers, whom I knew to be a very devout Catholic woman, about this feeling and admitted that I no longer remembered how to pray the rosary. I will never forget her response for two reasons-- First, she was so generous--- the next day she brought me not only a rosary from Fatima, but also rosary pamphlets and tapes so that  I could learn how to pray it again--- then secondly after she gave me these things she took my hand and told me "Susan--- I don't know why but Our Lady is calling you back to the Church." At the time I was appreciative of her help but I thought her comments were just a little over the top. I was willing to pray the rosary but returning to the Church wasn't even on the radar screen at that point.

Fast forward a few years--- I was back in the Church--- after a profound conversion experience ---- On Good Friday after "accidentally" wandering into a Catholic Church during the veneration of the Cross--- I was allowed by our Lord to feel the love he felt for me and the forgiveness he wanted to grant me. In a church packed with strangers I was home--- I was overwhelmed by sorrow in that moment of conversion when Jesus reached out and touched my heart--- I knew what my sinfulness had cost--- I could do nothing but tell Jesus how terribly sorry I was. What hurt me the most was that I was made to understand that of all the things I had done wrong in my life the thing that offended Our Lord the most was that neither of my children were baptized--- they didn't know Him--- I knew in Jesus' eyes this was my greatest betrayal ----how I had wounded Him the most. So I begged Him and promised Him that if He would grant that my children would come to know and accept Him that I would do anything He asked of me. In His incredible love and mercy He did grant me this--- within three years not only were both my children (young adults at the time---late teens to early twenties) in the Church but my unchurched, Protestant husband had converted as well. The happiest day of my life was the first Easter Vigil when all four of us were able to receive Jesus in the Eucharist together as a family.

In 2001 something unusual happened to me--- It was right after the New Year--- it was a cold crisp and beautifully sunny day. The sky was that pale aqua blue that is possible only when temperatures are frigid. I was on my way to run my Saturday errands and as I drove down the country roads where I live I was taken aback by the beauty of that winter morning--- then suddenly out of the blue these words came into my head--- "This world will never be the same". It stopped me in my tracks--- I didn't know what it meant--- There was just a sense of what I would call foreboding in them but no anxiety or fearfulness--- it was a statement of fact it seemed.

That evening I began my evening prayer as was my habit and while praying suddenly I saw a vision--- internally. I was standing in a field--- it was very dark and there was a large crowd of people around me--- they were all milling about aimlessly--- like they were sleep walking or in a trance. I seemed to be the only one who was awake. I noticed on the horizon in every direction there were flames. In fact I can still see in my mind the silhouettes of trees, buildings and vehicles against the flames--- no one seemed to notice the fire except me--- then just as quickly as the vision came it was gone and replaced by another--- this one was of humble little Church made of adobe--- like those found in the southwest ---silhouetted against a bright, blue cloudless sky--- atop the church was a gleaming silver cross.

The next day I discovered was the official end of the Jubilee year--- the day John Paul the Great had closed the Holy Doors in Rome. I wondered what it all meant. I wasn't troubled or frightened--- I knew though that I was given those images for a reason. I spoke of them with my spiritual director- a Jesuit priest--- He gave me good advice--- he told me not to dwell on it all and to take it to prayer and to ask the Lord if these visions were from Him to help me understand. It wasn't too long before I began to understand--- at least what the words I had heard on that cold January morning meant--- Just eight months and five days later was 9/11/01. The world did change that day.

Since then so much has happened---wars, natural disasters, escalating social and moral decline, one Church scandal after another, cloning, embryonic stem cell research, Terry Schiavo's death, "Gay marriage" laws, human animal hybrids, increasing division in the Church---every day things seem to escalate and despite all this we---as a nation--- seem oblivious to the implications---we act like everything is normal--- just great--- unaware that the world is slipping into chaos--- I look around me today and it seems so many people are asleep--- or in a trance....

An era is ending---grace is being withdrawn--- not because God no longer loves us but because so many of us no longer love God--- we have rejected Him--- not He us. The flames are on the horizon--- As a loving Father he will awaken us from our perilous slumber and in His mercy give us the opportunity to turn our hearts back to Him--- but we will have to pay the consequences of our rebellion. There is no need to fear ---the end of my vision that evening was one promising hope--- a clear blue sky, a simpler world, a humble church---a gleaming silver cross---vibrant faith restored... A Father who keeps his promise....

Comments

[Travis]

Wow, what a beautiful gift you were given. Thank you for sharing it.

In Christ,

Travis