Witness

To be a witness does not consist in engaging in propaganda, nor even in stirring people up, but in being a living mystery. It means to live in such a way that one's life would not make sense if God did not exist.

~~~Cardinal Emmanuel Suhard ~~~

I am a subscriber to Catholic World News. One of the perks to that is being able to read the opinions of  someone who is known as Diogenes. So many times I find myself nodding in agreement with his insights. So often what he says is exactly what I have been thinking--- only he says it much better then I ever could. Anyway---- yesterday in commenting on something (inane) Rev. Donald Cozzens said with regard to priestly celibacy he used this quote by Cardinal Suhard.

It made me stop in my tracks and think not only about my own life but also the past thirty plus years of Church history that has seen the decimation of religious life as well as Catholic tradition and culture. I never realized how fortunate I was to have been born long enough before the Vatican II to remember the "old" Mass, bells, incense, to have been raised on the Baltimore Catechism, to remember meatless Fridays, communion rails, chapel veils, busy confessionals and priests in cassocks (now the challenge is to find one with even a collar!). Maybe this sounds like nothing more then a nostalgic trip down memory lane but after some reflecting I realized that coming from that era there were a few things that even my child sized mind could grasp. Being Catholic meant being different--- Our churches were different, our prayers were different, the language and postures we worshipped in were different ---but most of all what we believed was different. We believed that Jesus was really there in that little round wafer. I remember being prepared for my First Holy Communion--- the awe, the mystery, the excitement---feeling special and radiant as I walked up the aisle in my bride white dress and veil--- I knew this was a very special day in my life.

Perhaps in an odd way I was fortunate to have fallen away from my faith before all the changes occured. I find myself wondering if it was that thirty year prodigal journey that saved me from the post VII "virus" whichs seems to have run pandemic among my fellow boomers and those catechized by them.

I don't know how much of the "throwing the baby out with the bath water" that occured after the council was a result of some misguided attempt at ecumenism or how much of it was the "smoke of satan" (these days I tend to favor the latter--- see Pope Leo XIII 'vision') but I think it is pretty obvious what the result has been. There is wisdom in Cardinal Suhard's words--- they bring to mind Our Lord's words in Matt 5:13. We are to be the salt of the earth and our presence here is worthless if we have lost our flavor---

As a young nurse in 1974 one of my first jobs was in a Catholic hospital and I remember the sisters there still wore habits--- although a few had opted for the shorter more modern style. Perhaps it was my preoccupation with finding a husband and raising a family but I don't remember exactly when that all changed--- but soon even though I continued to work in Catholic hospitals nuns gradually disappeared or became unrecognizable--- there was no "endanged species" list back then.

I remember one of my last encounters with a nun working in a hospital because it made a lasting impression on me---even in my most secular and pagan days she would come to mind because her words struck me as so unusual. I worked in ICU with Sr. Lorraine--she was just slightly older then I was---around thirty or so---one evening she and I had dinner together and she was telling me about how excited she was to be going on her first plane trip. I asked her if she was nervous to be flying for the first time. I remember this so vividly----she smiled at me and said "absolutely not! Susan wouldn't it be wonderful if that plane just kept going up and up and took me straight into the arms of Our Lord" I remember thinking to myself that Sr Lorraine's comment--- in fact her life--- made no sense to me--- I felt at that moment we lived in different universes with no frame of common reference. I truly did not understand her thinking or her chosen life. She was a complete mystery to me.

A little more then thirty years have passed since that day and I can say that over those decades Sr. Lorraine's words persued me--- they would pop into my head at the strangest times--- out of the blue I would find myself pondering them and her--- asking myself questions without any answers---at least answers that could be formed from my worldly vantage point. Then ten years ago that changed---- those arms that Sr. Lorraine longed to fly into embraced this child who had wandered far from her Father's house. Finally, I can say "Yes, sister wouldn't that be wonderful!" God Bless you Sr. Lorraine where ever you may be --- Finally---I understand and I thank you!